


Bittersweet

by Moya_chin



Series: Countless times [1]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Back Together, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, Lots of kissing, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Past Relationship(s), Romance, Swearing, not as sad as it sounds, they don't know what a break-up means
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 11:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11989197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moya_chin/pseuds/Moya_chin
Summary: Everything seemed to be bittersweet inside of Daniel's mouth in that moment.The older walking by his side, with their hands still interlocked but unable to kiss him; to tell him how much he loved him at least, walking on a park knowing Jisung would move away the very next day, that he wouldn’t be able to see him again in years.





	Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything. Just wrote this for fun.
> 
> Please support the superior Wanna one ship, Nielsung, and contribute to keep their tag alive and full of great stories.
> 
> Comments and Kudos are very much appreciated.

It was a cold day by the end of autumn. The faint breeze was playing with his brown hair, and his fringe was blocking his sight effectively in the process; chills traveled inside his body and made Daniel tremble on his seat inside the small coffee shop he was currently in.

And with his face hiding inside the scarf circling his neck, he waited.

The seconds disguised tortuously as eternities while Daniel drank from his coup of milky coffee every now and then; looking down the surrounding streets in hopes of seeing the older. Jisung had told him he would be around the place close to four in the afternoon, and even though they still were a couple of minutes away from that time, he couldn’t help but feel impatient; the people around looking at him a bit funny, maybe worried.

It had passed months since the last time he saw Jisung. And it felt weird, because he was used to seeing him daily, the idea of not feeling his bright and overwhelming presence still sounding a bit ridiculous inside his mind; like a tasteless joke, a recurring nightmare that he apparently could not escape or wake up from, no matter how hard he tried.

Maybe it was a secondary effect of that untold abstinence the way his heart started speeding up inside his chest by the mere memory of the older, or at least of that he wanted to convince himself. The way he recalled his wide smile, his soft lips, his warm words and pretty lies; of replaying like a broken record that fateful moment months ago, in which the destiny decided to be cruel to both of them.

Daniel wasn’t there in a small coffee shop amidst his packed scheduled to start thinking about that once again. He will not do it; he promised himself he wouldn’t fall so far low, that he would get over it and go on with his life once and for all. His determination was not that resistant, though, falling apart like an old building as soon he saw the older approaching from the opposite street.

His black-colored hair dance along with the wind, a red scarf surrounding his neck and falling by his sides; that well-known leather jacket hugging his body in a useless try to give him a bit of heat and decrease the coldness Daniel supposed he felt. So bright and attractive, beautiful in front of his sight, an existence as shinning as he remembered it to be, and his heart started to derange inside his chest, his cheeks filled with colors and warming his features.

Those fleeting images of that incident started to grow inside his mind once again, when the older was there smiling so widely, blinding him, whispering against his ears pretty trivialities; talking about how proud he felt, how much he loved him and how mad he would be if Daniel had the audacity of forgetting about him when the fame overwhelmed his mind and clouded his senses. He would never do it, he hadn’t done such a thing, but the comment ripped off of him a couple of laughs either way.

In those moments when he climbed the last step to achieve his debut but Jisung didn’t, staying in the middle of the road, so close but so far at the same time; waving him goodbye with his hands and smiling like he always knew that this would be the end of the race, the conclusion of this dreadful movie.

And before he could take notice of it, maybe too lost inside his thoughts; the older was already standing in front of him, trapping him inside his thin arms and greeting him with enthusiasm, kissing his cheek like nothing had ever happened, like nothing has changed since then.

It was vile lie, a heartless theater number; he knew by the scent of cigarettes that flooded his senses as soon as Jisung was inside of his encircling arms. It felt awful, seeing how shamelessly the older lied to him, acted in front of him like he never had attempted to do before.

However, Daniel didn’t say anything, he couldn't bring himself to demand an explanation, something, whatever; he just reduced himself to play the ignorant card.

And it felt weird to try and return to where they had left things of, to continue with their old friendship as if this past three years had never happened; like this last months they spent apart hadn’t achieved to make any change between them.

“How have you been? I feel like I haven’t seen your handsome face in centuries.” Jisung said, joking while he mixed the coffee he had asked for a couple of minutes ago, his eyes shining in pure happiness.

 _How could he be so happy?_ Daniel thought. And maybe the older was just putting up an act, now that he thought about it more thoroughly.

This last couple of months had been hell to him, without one free second to breath, sleeping for just two hours with good luck and forced to smile and behave normally every single day, force to face his endless amount of responsibilities without any complaints. He shouldn’t have them, because he participated in that survival show knowing that if by some crazy miracle he managed to debut, this would become his life for as long as the contract lasted for; however, he still was a young male, and all of this hustle was a bit too much for him to endure alone.

And because of that he didn’t say a word about it to the older, just giving him an ambiguous answer, maybe what Jisung wanted to hear, trying to deviate from topic to something else. Daniel did not want to worry him, especially on the last time they would be able to meet up.

“Everything has been good. I still find it a bit unreal; the whole ‘ _finally being able to debut_ ’ thing and all of that.” Daniel said laughing as always, his words letting a sour path inside his throat and in his tongue.

It was horrible, and the older knew right away he was lying. Of course he realized it, Jisung knew him so well after all; but he also said nothing, just looking at him with that unwavering smile on his delicate and pretty face.

He talked about their common friends, his sister and family; about how busy he had been lately saving some money and going to a couple of job interviews. Daniel didn’t like to hear about all that, he despised it; because the older should be with him, by his side as he always had been, on top of stages and in front of thousands of fans, singing and dancing, enjoying the idol life together like they should had done, how both had dreamed it would be.

Jisung should have debuted alongside him; he should be living with him, practicing with him and the rest of them.

And the older knew he had started to think about that again, Daniel noticed by the way his expression turned serious all of a sudden, taking one of his hands on top of the table and sending chills through his arm. It had been so long since the last time they held hands.

“Everything it’s fine, right?” He started. “I told you it doesn’t matter, Daniel. You debuted, and that’s enough for me.” And he sounded so damn convincing, as well, his words feeling so good inside his brain, like the medicine his exhausted body needed to started working properly once again, filling him with energy and making Daniel forget how bittersweet all this situation turned out to be.

It was like going back to the yore days, when they played around to be idols and walked hand in hand on the streets. When he could kiss the older whenever he wanted, however he pleased without the fear of being caught, of being criticized; when they used to spend every moment of the day laughing, joking together; chasing the same dream. When Daniel still hadn’t gotten first place and Jisung was there with him.

They looked at each other, then. The older smiling more honestly than ever before, interlinking their fingers together and calling up the waitress with their bill. Jisung’s hands felt warm against his, a complete contrast with the coldness of the day, just how Daniel remembered them to be.

“Let’s go for a walk. You look like you need one.” He told him, taking out his wallet and placing the enough money to pay for what they ate on top of their table. Daniel didn’t even had the opportunity to refute, to try and pay half of the price; because the older was already dragging him outside the coffee shop, still holding hands.

They walked by the desolate streets in complete silence, just making themselves company and trying to not be recognized. It was hard, with Daniel’s face appearing in every commercial and television program in existence inside of South Korea, but they worked with what they had. Jisung had taken him to the park on front of his new apartment, roaming around in between the falling leaves and the cold weather of the season.

“I have missed you, you know?” It was the first thing he told him, and Daniel’s cheeks suddenly filled with pink-ish colors. His voice sounded so honest, full of such genuine feelings that he was left without words to say, just looking at him and letting Jisung go on.

“I never thought that looking at you on TV would be so heartbreaking. You looked so good in there.”

 _Why he had to say those things?_ Daniel thought. Why couldn’t Jisung tell him that everything would be alright, that it was just a bad dream they would soon wake up from?

Daniel never had been this stubborn, so lost in this ridiculous dream of his; but everything seemed to be bittersweet. The older walking by his side, with their hands still interlocked but unable to kiss him; to tell him how much he loved him at least, walking on a park knowing Jisung would move away the very next day, that he wouldn’t be able to see him again in years. He just could not ignore everything that had happened between them; forgive the whimsical destiny.

He turned then, stopping in his tracks and forcing the older to stand in front of him. They were so close, but not quite enough, the wind messing up their hair once again and the sound of the tree leaves acting up as the only backtrack music inside the abandoned park.

The older looked at him for a couple of seconds, analyzing his face perhaps, reading his body language like an open book. And then he knew what Daniel wanted to hear.

“I know it’s hard, and I understand that you feel conflicted. But you have to do this; for your mother and you; for me, alright?” Jisung told him, erasing the little distance keeping them apart and catching him in a tight hug.

His body felt warm in comparison of the cold weather, heating up Daniel’s body and allowing his face and cheeks to redden up once again. Daniel caged his waist inside his arms then, just like how he used to do, lining up their bodies together and sensing the other male’s breathing against his neck, faintly, making an electrifying path in his way. They always seemed to match so perfectly back in the day, and they also did in that very moment.

Suddenly, it felt like not even one day had passed since then; when they used to date. His feeling for the other male as strong, as intense and consuming as before.

“I also have been missing you. A lot, a bit too much I’d say.” He answer him then, gaining himself some laughs from the older when they split apart, Jisung smiling up to him and indicating Daniel to follow him back to his apartment.

Jisung’s job of cheering him up was completed once again, as he always so effortlessly did.

Daniel looked at his hand-watch; it was getting close to six. His manager would start to call him if he didn’t go back to the dorm in a couple of minutes, his free time escaping from his hands in the worst possible moment. He knew that as soon they arrived to the older’s place, and said goodbye, they would have to go their separate ways.

Perhaps his inside thoughts were too much visible for Jisung, maybe, because before they entered the living complex, the older turned back to look at him.

“You have to be happy, take advantage of this only opportunity; who knows when it would happen again. And you know I will support you either way.” Jisung said to him, his words sounding bittersweet inside his ears.

They sounded like a goodbye, and that was the last thing Daniel wanted to listen coming out of the other male’s throat.

Jisung played with his keychain, trying to find the key for the front door with Daniel looking at him. He had so many things to say, stories to tell, incidents to complain about, so many thoughts to get out of his chest; but in that moment, he couldn’t say anything, with his mind going blank and his vocal chords determinate to not emit any kind of sound.

They hugged once again, his cellphone vibrating inside his pocket. Daniel didn’t want to leave, nor separate himself from the older. Jisung looked so attractive in that moment, so beautiful and shining; resplendent, like the ray of light at the end of his dark tunnel. The emotions mixed up inside his stomach, everything coming back suddenly, without warning, and he couldn’t avoid letting his sight fall to the older’s lips.

He remember then how soft they were, the great taste they left inside his mouth, how lightheaded he felt after kissing him; and all of the memories came back like a hurricane.  When they went out, did little trips and lived without any apparent worry, going through the days drunk in a naïve type of love; he reminisced their break up, the day he debuted and Jisung didn’t; when they promised to give a stop to _this_ relationship that didn’t have a future anymore.

To try and left imprisoned at the back of their minds every little emotion they felt.

Daniel looked at his sides, unable to recognize any camera taking pictures or hiding around them. He didn’t have anything to lose, he thought.

And then, he kissed him.

He took his face in between his hands and collide those pink and inviting lips against his own on a familiar contact, one a bit rusted inside his memories but not forgotten. Daniel knew they shouldn’t do this; that he promised himself to forget this amazing feeling and focus on this new Idol life. However, it had been so long since the last time they had done this; he couldn’t remember it with certainty, but the sweet taste of Jisung’s lips seemed to be something his mouth would never try to forget, everything feeling so good, how it should be.

Daniel was an Idol now, he had a reputation to keep and they broke up months ago; they shouldn’t be doing this, wanting this so strongly. They supposedly wanted to catch up, just to close the wound, patch his heart back together and finally move on; but Jisung didn’t even take a blink to start kissing him back, and he knew then that there was no going back anymore.

His tongue slipped in between the other male’s lips easily, effortlessly, and Daniel walked the older until his back founded itself against the door of the apartment, trapping him there and encircling his narrow waist. Jisung felt even skinnier than he remembered him to be, and his mouth tasted like cigarettes.

There he asked him. “Started smoking again?”

“It’s not like I would need a healthy throat from now and on. And I have been missing it either wa−” Just like his mouth, his words had a bittersweet taste against his tongue, burning everything on its way and mixing up his insides. And Daniel didn’t want hear that, he just didn’t want to face that reality now; interrupting Jisung with his own lips.

Daniel didn’t want to think about that. Didn’t feel like it, because it was more important to him this; exploring with luxury of details the inside of who used to be his boyfriend’s mouth, of his confident and unconditional support. The person he always could relay on and an existence he would never be able and didn’t want to forget.

Daniel wanted to live inside this utopia, in the sweet dream of his lips and the soft memory of his skin, in how good those hands felt venturing by the same paths as back in the day, petting the same places inside his shirt and unbuttoning his jacket. Wanted to stay in between the tingling his lips gained when Daniel placed them against the older’s milky neck, letting behind a wet and warm trail, creating him some marks they would probably regret tomorrow.

It didn’t matter.

His cellphone started to vibrate with more insistency inside the pockets of his jacket, but he didn’t care either. How could he give it any mind, when he could clearly see the redden cheeks of the older while he opened the door to his apartment and got rid of the annoyance on the way, throwing it away towards one of his armchairs. Maybe he had felt it ring, maybe he didn’t; who knows.

Their lips didn’t take too long in find eachother once again, more forcefully than before, their tongues dancing inside their attached mouths in a well-known choreography and investigating those forgotten places. The surroundings started to gain temperature very quickly after that.

“You really taste like cigarettes. It’s a bit weird.” Daniel said against the other male’s neck, still savoring inside his mouth the taste of the menthol cigarettes the older probably had been smoking before meeting up with him. Jisung just could laugh at his comment, however, taking off his shirt and walking him towards his bedroom.

“Does it bother you?” Jisung asked him looking at him from the door’s frame, his arms crossed against his naked torso.

Daniel thought about it, he really did, no matter how distracting the image in front of him seemed to be. The taste was bitter and disgusting; he never had liked it, and he didn’t understand where was the charm on feeling a breeze of hot smoke burning his throat, making him feel nauseous and sick on his stomach. However, with the sweet cherry flavor of the other male’s lips mixing up with it, softening the awful taste, perhaps he could endure it. Maybe, and just for today.

And with that in mind, he kissed Jisung again, lifting him by his waist and taking him inside the room, and Daniel closed the door behind him.

It felt bittersweet having him there, under his body, seeing him over Daniel; wandering around the same places of back then, feeling the same petting against his back and those mischievous hands playing with his belt, doubting in unfasten it, without caring about how much they were bothering him, how obvious the bulge looked there. And he wanted to laugh once again, questioning why they had decided that taking a break would have been for the best.

This was what Daniel had needed all this time.

“Damn. I’ve missed you so fucking much.” He told the older without thinking about it, seeing him while he placed himself perfectly on top of his waist, finally unfastening his jeans; and Daniel felt breathless by having, seeing Jisung there once again. And it turned out to be a bit unbelievable to think about how he survived this last six months without  _this_.

Hell, almost a whole year without having Jisung between four walls and behind closed doors.

The older just could laugh, though. “I didn’t know _‘Mister number one’_ had such a foul language.” His words sounding malicious, teasing him, Jisung’s hands touching everything but where Daniel needed it the most, enjoying his suffering way too much.

Although, this was a kind of game both of them knew how to play perfectly.

“ _Sh_ _−_ _shit_.” The older cursed when Daniel started to pet his lower back, placing his hands over those exact places that made the other tremble under his touch and made Jisung start to lose his composure. And he remembered them so perfectly.

“And just because you are ‘ _Misted number twelve’_ you can do whatever you please?” He answered back with Jisung’s own words, reaching up suddenly and catching his lips between his own, unfastening the other’s zipper while he was distracted. And Jisung just started to laugh as soon they parted, forcing Daniel to lie on his back once again.

“Of-fucking-course I can. That’s the only benefit I have ever received from that shitty show.” And even though Jisung’s words sounded bittersweet, a bit sour-ly maybe, he couldn’t help but grow more excited, if it was even possible, when he saw mesmerized while the older kissed his sides, going around his crotch with exceptional efficiency. Sometimes he got tortuously close, almost breathing over it, but always escaping at the last seconds, leaving him hanging.

It was sweet torture that both of them liked a bit too much.

“How can you say things like that in this moment?” Because Daniel could not wrap his mind around the fact that the older could maintain himself together when they were so far in already, with Jisung half-naked and his cellphone ringing without a rest from the living room of the apartment. He should be a mess by now, both of them should be actually; but they hadn’t arrived to that point yet.

And Daniel shouldn’t have talked that soon.

Jisung touched him then, suddenly, ripping out of his mouth an embarrassingly loud sound coming from the deepest parts of his throat. It felt _really_ good, as if a wave of overwhelming pleasure had infiltrated his body. “You are already this excited? I haven’t even started dirty talking yet.”

Oh. That didn’t sound well at all, because Jisung was a disgustingly amazing dirty talker. It was both a blessing and a curse.

Fuck.

“You are such a damn tease.” Daniel told him, turning around their positions and starting all over again, wallowing in between the bed-sheets and making a huge mess, the lasts parts of their clothing that still hanged around were impatiently ripped off and out of their bodies and going straight to the main dish. They had enough teasing for today, and both of them fast grew tired of this cat-mouse game; the preamble became simply just too unbearable, overwhelmingly so.

Daniel wanted to remember every part of his skin, every mole and little sound that could abandon the older’s throat; his pretty eyes and his wet lips, how good they felt against his own and how soft, attentive his hands were. How amazing he felt with having Jisung there, at his mercy, looking at him with superiority while he patiently waited for his next action, the tension plaguing the room and shortening his breathing. He wanted to reminisce all of that, every single detail.

“I’m going to miss you.” Daniel said to him, maintaining his stare. He never had been more sincere than in that exact moment, the idea of just laughing his problems way for the first time couldn’t be found in between his plans.

“I'm going to miss you, too.”

“I wish we had debuted together." He said again, just like that day. "I want it so badly right now.”

“I know; me too.”

A silence, their lips found each other mid ways once again. Daniel looked at the clock, it was close to nine, and someone started to knock at the door of the other’s apartment. His manager, a neighbor annoyed by the noises perhaps, but it didn’t matter enough in that moment.

“I love you.” Jisung told him, his words camouflaged against the skin of Daniel’s neck. It had been so long since the last time the older had told him that, and he felt like falling in love all over again. It was dumb, but he felt his insides flooding with imaginary butterflies, his mind clouded with happiness and a wide smile grew on his face.

As if they went back in time to the first occasion they did this, felt this alive; when they dared to talk about love. And it was so, _so_ bittersweet to feel this way again.

There were so many things Daniel wanted to tell him, countless caged feelings that didn’t see a way out of his mouth. There were no words that could do them justice, he thought; that were worthy of representing how fast his heart was beating inside his chest and how light-headed he felt in that moment.

“I love you, too.”

Daniel wished he could stay here, between the Jisung’s arms; inside this beautiful utopia and forget how treacherous the reality was. He wanted to be drunk on the ocean of happiness once again, just like back then; when he wasn’t the most popular idol with cameras following his every step; when he was just a normal and ordinary young man dating someone he loved more than everything and everyone else.

He always wanted to convince himself that he could escape from this terrible nightmare, but Daniel knew it wasn’t possible. He knew it, but wasn’t able to accept the fact up until this moment. And when they kissed one last time, the ring of his cellphone still able to be heard and the knocks at the door hurrying them up, Jisung’s lips tasted bittersweet again, the menthol-flavored smoke of his cigarette plaguing the inside of his mouth and overpowering the cherry taste he felt so clearly before; there he knew the time to let go had arrived.

They didn’t say goodbye, just put their clothes back on and Jisung accompanied him to the door of his apartment, where his manager was; smiling and watching him leave with a new cigarettes between his abused-looking lips.

They didn’t need to say goodbye, because Daniel was sure that they would meet again, someday.

* * *

The next day, he received an hour-long lecture from his manager for having disobeyed him and for being filled with hickeys when Daniel knew they had a schedule very early in the morning and they didn’t have time to put make-up all over his mess. And he should have cared, maybe tried to camouflage them under his scarf, he thought, but he just didn’t care.

Daniel was proud; he wasn’t ashamed of having them there.

How could he; still savoring so clearly the bittersweet taste of cigarettes and cherry on his tongue no matter how many times he washed his mouth and teeth, trying to get rid of the scent; feeling his insides flipping around just by the mere memory of the older. What he told him a couple of hours ago, what they did back there.

He looked at the clock; it was three of the afternoon.

And the thought; that realization just had a bitter, horrible taste inside his mouth. Nothing sweet could be found anymore, and he felt sick.

Jisung should had left for his Military Service by then.

 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Don't have that much to say this time around. I just hope you guys enjoy it. I really liked this one. I don't know, i think is cute and the idea had been annoying me for weeks already.
> 
> My college classes started last week, so i would probably banish for a month or so, but i will make sure to reply to any comment. 
> 
> I plan to keep writing some long one shots for this pairing, but let's see. I have a couple on mind already, but If you want to give me some ideas, that would be great. And don't freak out if you spot some mistakes, i'm not a fluent english speaker. I am a lazy beta as well, just so you know.
> 
> That's about it, i guess.


End file.
